Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Soooo...about the First Page.

Back in the good old days of bookstores, people would pick up physical copies of books, usually drawn to it by a dope cover, then would proceed to read the first page, to judge if they'd liked it or not. Hard to do with an e-book. To help you guys out, here's the preface to MISCONCEPTIONS, an excerpt out of Alex's journal. Enjoy!

Dear Me, 
According to the undeniably accurate resource that is Wikipedia, 54% of all pregnancies are unplanned and unexpected. A whopping 15% of those pregnancies arise despite the “proper” use of preventative measures, such as condoms and other forms of birth control. Condoms have a 95% effective rate against pregnancy; the patch a 98% effective rate. If used together a less than 5% chance of conceiving.Further, there have only been twenty-two accounted cases of quadruplet births in North America. Only four of those were conceived without the use of fertility treatments, a probability of 1 out of 800,000 plus pregnancies. Thus, the probability of conceiving minus the unlikelihood of multiples equals my chances of becoming pregnant with quadruplets with the world’s biggest asshole falling into the 0.000001 percentile, a one in one trillion gazillion chance.
Congratulations! You are now a statistic! You win your very own Wikipedia page as your pregnancy rates second to the Immaculate Conception.
The Virgin Mary

Now Available!!! 

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